How to Get More Referrals in Real Estate – Without Feeling Pushy

Let’s have a real conversation about referrals. Too many agents treat them like something that “just happens” if you do a good job. But the truth? Referrals happen when you make yourself impossible to forget — and that starts from day one, not after the closing gift.

The “Two-Part Deal” Mindset

Every transaction is really two deals in one. The first is the obvious one: the immediate sale or purchase. The second is what you discover about your client’s future plans during the process.

For example, you might be helping a couple buy their first condo. In your buyer’s consultation, you learn that one of them runs a growing law practice and hopes to buy an office building in two years. That’s not just small talk — that’s a future deal, and a reason to stay in touch.

The same applies to sellers. A client selling their home because they’re relocating might later need a second home in your area, or have a friend moving back. If you listen and take notes, every deal plants the seed for the next one.

Turning Daily Life Into Prospecting

Some of my best referral opportunities didn’t happen in my office. They happened while I was living my life — at the gym, in line at the grocery store, chatting with an Uber driver.

Here’s an example: I once mentioned to my barber that I had just come from a waterfront listing appointment. He casually said, “My cousin’s looking for something on the water.” That conversation turned into a showing the next week. The key wasn’t pitching — it was weaving real estate naturally into everyday conversations.

Buyer Rituals That Plant Referral Seeds

With buyers, you don’t wait until closing to talk about referrals. The right time is the moment they feel you’re working hard for them — maybe after you’ve negotiated a win or found them the perfect property to tour.

One line that works for me: “If you like how I’m handling this, I’d love for you to think of me if you hear of anyone else buying or selling. People trust friends more than any ad.”

That way, you’ve opened the door without making it awkward, and they’re already looking out for you before the ink is dry.

Seller Rituals That Lead to Referrals

Sellers are most excited when they see momentum — multiple showings, strong offers, competitive interest. That’s the moment to connect referrals to the success they’re experiencing.

I’ll often say: “I’m glad this strategy is working for you. If you know anyone else thinking about selling, I’d be happy to give them a head start in this market.”

For example, one seller introduced me to his neighbor before we’d even closed because he wanted them to get the same results.

When to Start Asking

The sooner you start, the better. I’m not talking about jumping in at “hello” — I mean asking the moment you’ve provided tangible value. That could be during the initial consultation when they’re impressed by your market knowledge, or after you’ve solved a big problem early in the process.

Re-Activating a Sleeping Database

If your past clients have gone quiet, you can’t wake them up with a generic “Got any referrals?” message. You have to give before you ask.

One of my favorite reactivation strategies is sending a neighborhood market update that includes recent sales and price trends, along with a quick note like: “Thought you’d find this interesting — a home near yours just sold for $40k above asking.” That naturally leads into, “If you hear of anyone thinking of making a move, I’d be happy to help.”

Final Thought — And a Question for You

Referrals aren’t random luck. They’re the result of staying visible, providing value, asking at the right moment, and seeing every transaction as a two-part deal. The first part is the sale today. The second is the opportunity tomorrow.

So, here’s my question — in today’s market, what’s working better for you: digital business cards or traditional paper cards?